Tuesday, January 5, 2016

What I have always wanted to tell you

This is what I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, but every time it just sounds like a crazy person talking. Seeing that I'm so far away right now, less inhibited and extremely tired, and possibly forget what I wrote tonight... I figure this is as good of an opportunity as any. 

I dream about you often. You just appear in my dreams, with no prior warning. When I wake up I can still feel your presence. The dreams are very specific, with great details. 

Once I was upset with you several years ago, because I had not seen you for like 6 weeks or so, I'd gotten back from Asia, and you'd cancelled on me again. So I thought I'd never see you again.  I was walking to my gym, right around Howard and Third, and I heard you calling my name in the wind. Loud. It really startled me. When I got to the gym and I found you had texted me to say that you've missed me. We saw each other again shortly after.

Last week, one night I woke up all of sudden for no reason, I grabbed my phone without thinking, and just then an email came in from you. It was around 3 am. You were awake too. Sometimes my wandering mind thinks that I'm connected with you somehow. Maybe in another time and space dimension, we are actually together together. 

There are many reasons why our situations won't change and they will stay exactly where they are for as long as we shall live, at least that is what you tell me often and I do believe you. But don't you think it's rare to feel this way about someone for so long? Especially for people like us? Shouldn't people like this, like us, find a reason to give this a real shot, rather than talking ourselves into staying put? 

I have never felt this way about anyone like this. I don't care if you are rich or poor, come with baggages or not, I just know that I feel complete, settled, content, calm, and happy when I'm with you. I will always take care of you. I know that I can make you very happy. I know it sounds like a lunatic talking, but what if it's true? What if somewhere in another space, right now, we are actually together together? I mean it's possible, isn't it? I Maybe that's why we desire each other this way even after these many years. Maybe that's why you appear in my dreams. Maybe that's why I can feel your presence sometimes. 

Maybe it's okay to ask the what if's. Not necessarily to do anything about it, but at least ask.