I think my search may be finally coming to an end. What I'm looking for, at least for the short term, is emotional fulfillment, a connection, spiritual fulfillment. When you find that incredible linkage with another individual, it does not need to be sexual, it could be just wonderful in its own ways.
I think I may be on the way there.
Encouragement, a different way of approaching things, a truly unusual way of seeing things, adoration, connection, mind over body, and that incredible feeling after.
I've been away. I have been feeling conflicted in many aspects of my life, my longing and search for something completely different from my own world.
I have learned in my ripe age that a certain type of men attract me. He needs to be extremely smart, brilliant, an expert in his domain, well read, thinks deeply, writes extremely well, from the east coast, educated in Boston (that has not changed since I was 21!), has lived in both coasts, lives and works in San Francisco, adores me, thinks that I'm beautiful, can connect with me at an intellectual and emotional level, into science, a scientist of a sort is preferred, works with academics (in their own profession), European decent, left handed (like me), works in a field that is completely different from mine, have a lot of different types of friends (does not need to be all like themselves), and must be creative. He must be able to keep up with me. I must admire him. He must give me what I need.
He must keep me interested because I'm easily bored.
I'm bipolar. I'm a woman with many enthusiasms. It's all just a mind fuck. A man needs to keep me interested by engaging my mind.
When that fails, the relationship fails.
I know myself well enough to know that's how it needs to be.
When I was 22 and met this mysterious award-winning journalist, I idolized him. I thought that I'd never love again. I was clearly wrong. I had fallen in love many times over, but the ones I remembered were those who wowed me, those who intellectually stimulated and challenged me, and that's what I need. It's not that difficult, a man who's brilliant is difficult to find in general but I find them, rather, they find me. A man that fits my above description, whom I'd meet? Apparently not hard either.
A very good looking guy friend who fits 80% of the description once said to me, "It's so easy for you, you are attractive, all you need to do is to show up and men will be going after you."
He does not have the other 20%, and despite his good looks I'm not interested in him. So he's just a friend. But we are close. And he knows me more than I know myself.
I feel like telling him - "I didn't believe you, but you are right."
So this is a new day, and I want to write a really good story.
I think I may be on the way there.
Encouragement, a different way of approaching things, a truly unusual way of seeing things, adoration, connection, mind over body, and that incredible feeling after.
I've been away. I have been feeling conflicted in many aspects of my life, my longing and search for something completely different from my own world.
I have learned in my ripe age that a certain type of men attract me. He needs to be extremely smart, brilliant, an expert in his domain, well read, thinks deeply, writes extremely well, from the east coast, educated in Boston (that has not changed since I was 21!), has lived in both coasts, lives and works in San Francisco, adores me, thinks that I'm beautiful, can connect with me at an intellectual and emotional level, into science, a scientist of a sort is preferred, works with academics (in their own profession), European decent, left handed (like me), works in a field that is completely different from mine, have a lot of different types of friends (does not need to be all like themselves), and must be creative. He must be able to keep up with me. I must admire him. He must give me what I need.
He must keep me interested because I'm easily bored.
I'm bipolar. I'm a woman with many enthusiasms. It's all just a mind fuck. A man needs to keep me interested by engaging my mind.
When that fails, the relationship fails.
I know myself well enough to know that's how it needs to be.
When I was 22 and met this mysterious award-winning journalist, I idolized him. I thought that I'd never love again. I was clearly wrong. I had fallen in love many times over, but the ones I remembered were those who wowed me, those who intellectually stimulated and challenged me, and that's what I need. It's not that difficult, a man who's brilliant is difficult to find in general but I find them, rather, they find me. A man that fits my above description, whom I'd meet? Apparently not hard either.
A very good looking guy friend who fits 80% of the description once said to me, "It's so easy for you, you are attractive, all you need to do is to show up and men will be going after you."
He does not have the other 20%, and despite his good looks I'm not interested in him. So he's just a friend. But we are close. And he knows me more than I know myself.
I feel like telling him - "I didn't believe you, but you are right."
So this is a new day, and I want to write a really good story.
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