By B giving me the right to date others, it gave me not hope but despair. The alleged freedom of sleeping with others renders me resignation and sadness unbeknownst to myself. It was not really a way of sexual liberation but his way of saying that he no longer cared about me. By him to let me go it pushes me away further and further from him. Instead of creating a true emotional intimacy he has created a gap between the two of us. It's a one step forward two step backwards. On one hand he told me that he loved me and he wanted to be with me, on another he simply disappeared and did not want to acknowledge my request or desire to be with him more often.
His promises were all empty, his words were simply his words. It meant nothing at all.
A man who truly loved me would not want me to sleep around. He was only saying so to justify why he was able to screw around. He then told me that he loved me to pretend none of this was of any significance and he was only feeling for me.
If he truly wanted a difference, he would have fought to keep me and not wanted me to be with other men.
It takes a few days for his desire and words to sink in. Once that understanding was established, I realized that he never intended to make me his, he used to words to lure me in, and on occasion he tried to behave like a boyfriend, but he did not want me, not really. And he simply had no interest in expanding our interactions.
We take one step forward, and two steps backwards. We started further back than when we first started. I put up a lot for him, I was obsessed with him. But instead, I meant nothing. I'm not interested in dating other men. I'm not interested in any kind of game. I'm not interested in anything more. Good enough was good enough before but we had slipped back further than we first started. It was no longer good enough.
A man I had known for some time was texting me. I ran into him. He was getting out of a game. I was not interested in him. He was interested in me. He was with his date for the evening. I was with a few of my friends. He's been asking me out. I had no interest. I still do not have any interest.
In general men bore me. Good men are hard to find. I don't doubt that they exist but I have not met them. I don't care about a sexual connection. I simply want to be respected, and adored, and perhaps, be loved. Truly, loved.
I think that day will come one day. It is not today, It is not tomorrow, but one day, one day I'll meet someone who will not break my heart and love me for who I am. It's just not today.
His promises were all empty, his words were simply his words. It meant nothing at all.
A man who truly loved me would not want me to sleep around. He was only saying so to justify why he was able to screw around. He then told me that he loved me to pretend none of this was of any significance and he was only feeling for me.
If he truly wanted a difference, he would have fought to keep me and not wanted me to be with other men.
It takes a few days for his desire and words to sink in. Once that understanding was established, I realized that he never intended to make me his, he used to words to lure me in, and on occasion he tried to behave like a boyfriend, but he did not want me, not really. And he simply had no interest in expanding our interactions.
We take one step forward, and two steps backwards. We started further back than when we first started. I put up a lot for him, I was obsessed with him. But instead, I meant nothing. I'm not interested in dating other men. I'm not interested in any kind of game. I'm not interested in anything more. Good enough was good enough before but we had slipped back further than we first started. It was no longer good enough.
A man I had known for some time was texting me. I ran into him. He was getting out of a game. I was not interested in him. He was interested in me. He was with his date for the evening. I was with a few of my friends. He's been asking me out. I had no interest. I still do not have any interest.
In general men bore me. Good men are hard to find. I don't doubt that they exist but I have not met them. I don't care about a sexual connection. I simply want to be respected, and adored, and perhaps, be loved. Truly, loved.
I think that day will come one day. It is not today, It is not tomorrow, but one day, one day I'll meet someone who will not break my heart and love me for who I am. It's just not today.
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