In the end, what are we all looking for? Faith? Love? Someone to care about you? To care about someone?
To love and be loved?
In the end, we are always looking for that meaning of being loved and cared for by those who we love and care. It's that simple.
I love B. There has never been any doubt about it. I love being able to feel that level of intensity for as long as I rediscovered myself. But I know that my existence in his life is extremely limited. He's managed to put me inside a box and only takes me out when he wants to. He does not formulate any meaningful conversations with me. He treats me superficially and does not really want to be part of my life, not a real one anyway. I have convinced that the reason I allow it to happen is that # 1. I am in any rush to change my life, neither is he. # 2. I don't think he wants me full time in his life.
I know that he loves me back. But it's a limited capacity type of thing.
He approves my interaction with boy. Boy who has been very sick and I've been taking care of him. He's so sweet. Keep on thanking me.
I told him that I cared about him. He said, I care about you too. He says "You are so nice." I can't tell if he meant it to be a compliment or if he'd get bored.
I do care about him. Like he's my third child.
He's skinny bones. He won't eat when he's sick. I keep on thinking why is he so sick and when I see him suffering it hurts me.
I am concerned about him. I do think in the end we just want to be cared about and loved by those who care about and love us.
And another year is going by.
I want to ask B - "For Christmas all I want is for you to spend a day with me. Just a day. A day date. A proper day date."
To love and be loved?
In the end, we are always looking for that meaning of being loved and cared for by those who we love and care. It's that simple.
I love B. There has never been any doubt about it. I love being able to feel that level of intensity for as long as I rediscovered myself. But I know that my existence in his life is extremely limited. He's managed to put me inside a box and only takes me out when he wants to. He does not formulate any meaningful conversations with me. He treats me superficially and does not really want to be part of my life, not a real one anyway. I have convinced that the reason I allow it to happen is that # 1. I am in any rush to change my life, neither is he. # 2. I don't think he wants me full time in his life.
I know that he loves me back. But it's a limited capacity type of thing.
He approves my interaction with boy. Boy who has been very sick and I've been taking care of him. He's so sweet. Keep on thanking me.
I told him that I cared about him. He said, I care about you too. He says "You are so nice." I can't tell if he meant it to be a compliment or if he'd get bored.
I do care about him. Like he's my third child.
He's skinny bones. He won't eat when he's sick. I keep on thinking why is he so sick and when I see him suffering it hurts me.
I am concerned about him. I do think in the end we just want to be cared about and loved by those who care about and love us.
And another year is going by.
I want to ask B - "For Christmas all I want is for you to spend a day with me. Just a day. A day date. A proper day date."
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