B took me out for dinner. It was just another warm San Francisco night. I think B knows me more than he let on. That's what's so strange about this. I cannot get over how good looking he is to me. I don't think my girlfriends felt that way. They all thought that I was crazy. But enough time has passed and I realized that the most important thing to me is what my heart feels. My heart feels the same. I love him and always will.
In the evening while I was sitting in the restaurant I was having a good conversation with him. I was doing all the talking. He was doing all the listening, with occasional interjection.
I told him about Errand Boy, about my girlfriends rallying to take care of me while I was in surgery and out of surgery. I said all that I wanted to say, he sat across the table and just smiled. He told me what he was up to. He was working a lot and he was doing things with his son.
When we got back he wanted me to get comfortable. I didn't realize that he wanted me to spend the night because he did not make it so obvious.
I told him that I loved him and I wanted to know where we were headed. He did not have an answer, he said, we will see. I took that answer as he did not know either. I woke up with a dream that he was married. So I told him so. He said, "That's not a dream for me. That's my life." I am married. He had to reconcile that every day. I love him. I cannot imagine my life without him. I cannot imagine not being with him. I asked him if he wanted me to leave my husband to be with him. He said, "I don't want you regret. I don't want you to think that's a mistake." I don't know what he means by that, I guess he is worried that he would be coming short of my expectations and if I did leave my husband for him, I may feel that this is a mistake and that he cannot meet my expectations? He said that he thinks about waking up with me every morning and conceptually what that is like.
I asked him what his longest relationship is like and he said that it is with me. I can't imagine that he's never had a lengthy relationship. I simply can't picture that. It's so easy to be with him.
I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's often in and out of my life, and sometimes I do not hear from him for days on end, but I still love him no matter what. I keep on wanting some concrete future but perhaps there is none. I keep on thinking there is another explanation as to what and how I feel, but there is none.
He thinks that I should have some fun with that little boy. I think he's crazy. I don't want him to be with another woman. He said that he isn't with anyone but me. But how could that be? He's never been monogamous before. I can't imagine that. I ask him why he'd let me explore, he said b"because you need to come, and because I know you love me."
So I go on and think that this is how my life will be. I play the role of wife and mother. I am a mentor to EB, and I love B. I can't and will not be able to change my heart. He's the only person who matters to me. Without him, my heart will die; without him, my world is of permanent gray, without him, I shall no longer be me.
I no longer refer him as my boyfriend. To me, he's an extension of my being. He's my other half. I am complete with him in it. I will wither without him.
In the evening while I was sitting in the restaurant I was having a good conversation with him. I was doing all the talking. He was doing all the listening, with occasional interjection.
I told him about Errand Boy, about my girlfriends rallying to take care of me while I was in surgery and out of surgery. I said all that I wanted to say, he sat across the table and just smiled. He told me what he was up to. He was working a lot and he was doing things with his son.
When we got back he wanted me to get comfortable. I didn't realize that he wanted me to spend the night because he did not make it so obvious.
I told him that I loved him and I wanted to know where we were headed. He did not have an answer, he said, we will see. I took that answer as he did not know either. I woke up with a dream that he was married. So I told him so. He said, "That's not a dream for me. That's my life." I am married. He had to reconcile that every day. I love him. I cannot imagine my life without him. I cannot imagine not being with him. I asked him if he wanted me to leave my husband to be with him. He said, "I don't want you regret. I don't want you to think that's a mistake." I don't know what he means by that, I guess he is worried that he would be coming short of my expectations and if I did leave my husband for him, I may feel that this is a mistake and that he cannot meet my expectations? He said that he thinks about waking up with me every morning and conceptually what that is like.
I asked him what his longest relationship is like and he said that it is with me. I can't imagine that he's never had a lengthy relationship. I simply can't picture that. It's so easy to be with him.
I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's often in and out of my life, and sometimes I do not hear from him for days on end, but I still love him no matter what. I keep on wanting some concrete future but perhaps there is none. I keep on thinking there is another explanation as to what and how I feel, but there is none.
He thinks that I should have some fun with that little boy. I think he's crazy. I don't want him to be with another woman. He said that he isn't with anyone but me. But how could that be? He's never been monogamous before. I can't imagine that. I ask him why he'd let me explore, he said b"because you need to come, and because I know you love me."
So I go on and think that this is how my life will be. I play the role of wife and mother. I am a mentor to EB, and I love B. I can't and will not be able to change my heart. He's the only person who matters to me. Without him, my heart will die; without him, my world is of permanent gray, without him, I shall no longer be me.
I no longer refer him as my boyfriend. To me, he's an extension of my being. He's my other half. I am complete with him in it. I will wither without him.
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