Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Book, reviewed

I finished reading Dept. of Speculation. About this couple, the husband has an affair, the wife's heart is broken, she slowly and gradually prepares for an ending but the ending does not come, and eventually they let things pass. She cried and cried, expecting the world would end, but it did not, eventually they moved on.

It was not a typical ending. It was an ending crafted for a purpose, to tell a story, to tell a story that the affair girl did not get what she wanted. The wife gets to keep the husband, and the family, and added a puppy to boot. The marriage stays intact, the man never leaves his family for anyone.

I think about this and I think about you and me. How much I loved you once, and how much I wanted you to be mine. How I'd done everything and anything to be with you, and how much I thought I could do without you, and then gradually I thought how little of you, found others to replace you and then one day you were back in my life again, in sort of imaginative way you were back and you were in life again, taking up just such a small corner, like you really did not exist, but somehow you did.

I would never love again, not in that way.

I would never feel the same again. Not in that way.

I can mask for as long as I could. I will try the hardest. But I don't think I'll succeed. I have a family. You have a family.

And there is nothing more and nothing less. I'm not yours. You are not mine.

And no this world did not end when I lost my faith in you. No words needs to be uttered. I know. You know. We have nothing to begin with. We have nothing to end with.

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