Was brought to a comedy show by this friend of mine who went to see
his friend Kate Willett performing. I was usually not a big fan of live
comedy but seeing that I had really no choice I went along with it as it
was not far from the restaurant we were eating dinner at. There were
others comedians who were funny, and I was entertained, but I can't
remember much about it. There was this one bit performed by his friend
Kate who was really quite actually good. I can't remember the exact
lines but it was about whether she had boyfriends or not, and she said
something like does having five earrings missing at five different boys'
apartments count?
I began to count the lost earrings. My issue was the back of the earrings. They fell off easily. In my formative years of dating, I had lost many pairs. One time I asked for one of the guys who I was seeing to find the back of the earring, after we had been fucking for sometime in his bed, and he responded by saying, "Aren't those backings interchangeable?" As it turned out, he was right. But then I was thinking, how would he know that? And why was his toilet seat down all the time? Was he trained? Who else were in his life before me?
My most favorite story of all time involving this man I was dating, no, scratch that, fucking, who brought back my dress, torn but washed stockings, and one single big hoop silver earring. Sadly though, the earring was not mine. The same person also thought he had taken me to some place to listen to some comedy show, and no, it was not me, I saw him rarely, so rare that I could not remember the last time I had gone out with him. He often declared that he loved me whenever he saw me. He also always told me that he loved everything we did together. But poor guy had no idea most of the time what he did and with whom. Who am I to correct him?
So as I became better at dating, I sort of learned to do the following: #1. remove the small earrings I wear before the action; #2. Set them down at a place you can find them later on, and make sure they were easy to find; #3. Never EVER leave anything behind at a guy's place, no matter how much you want to "mark" your territory, because you don't know what you'd get back.
By the number of lost earrings, my dating career was quite colorful. However short these relationships were, I always managed to lose one or two earrings but never the same pair with the same guy.
As far as for things went missing, earrings were not as big of an issue as dresses. In an effort to appear seductive, I'd wear dresses with zippers on them. I liked zipper dresses from Bebe's. Zippers did not have a friendly relationship with my peekaboo body hugging black sheer tops or those men who did not know how to operate them. Thus in the battle among zippers, sheer top and men, sheer top, being the more fragile one, won, and dress with zipper, not so much of a winner. Thankfully I learned that lesson quickly and no matter where I went or however long I'd stay with the man - 1 hour, 2 hour, 30 minutes, all nighter, I always had several backup outfits, in case of zipper issue, which happened on more than one occasions.
On that note, one of my favorite Bebe dresses were left at a man's house. He had promised that he'd spend his time studying up on the mechanics of zippers and replace the one he broke, given the important history zipper held, and given that I was very rather upset when he torn my Bebe gray silk dress.
I had not seen the dress returning back to me - it's been so long that it'll be out of fashion anyway.
By now, presumably the man who broke my dress had learned everything about zippers, and found the backing of my earrings, and likely, had given them to the next woman he was seeing by mistake. The way I looked at the situation, it would be highly unlikely the next woman could fit into my dress (Bebe's petite dresses were designed for big boobed petite woman, and big boobs and petite women usually do not jive, present company excepted of course.)
In which case, may he hold my dress and wish he had never let me go. And as for me, it was an easy decision once the decision was made.
Fuck earrings. Fuck dresses. Be happy. Ditch the man who couldn't locate the back of your earrings or hand your dresses to some other woman.
Find a good man. Buy yourself lots of fabulous jewelry.
I began to count the lost earrings. My issue was the back of the earrings. They fell off easily. In my formative years of dating, I had lost many pairs. One time I asked for one of the guys who I was seeing to find the back of the earring, after we had been fucking for sometime in his bed, and he responded by saying, "Aren't those backings interchangeable?" As it turned out, he was right. But then I was thinking, how would he know that? And why was his toilet seat down all the time? Was he trained? Who else were in his life before me?
My most favorite story of all time involving this man I was dating, no, scratch that, fucking, who brought back my dress, torn but washed stockings, and one single big hoop silver earring. Sadly though, the earring was not mine. The same person also thought he had taken me to some place to listen to some comedy show, and no, it was not me, I saw him rarely, so rare that I could not remember the last time I had gone out with him. He often declared that he loved me whenever he saw me. He also always told me that he loved everything we did together. But poor guy had no idea most of the time what he did and with whom. Who am I to correct him?
So as I became better at dating, I sort of learned to do the following: #1. remove the small earrings I wear before the action; #2. Set them down at a place you can find them later on, and make sure they were easy to find; #3. Never EVER leave anything behind at a guy's place, no matter how much you want to "mark" your territory, because you don't know what you'd get back.
By the number of lost earrings, my dating career was quite colorful. However short these relationships were, I always managed to lose one or two earrings but never the same pair with the same guy.
As far as for things went missing, earrings were not as big of an issue as dresses. In an effort to appear seductive, I'd wear dresses with zippers on them. I liked zipper dresses from Bebe's. Zippers did not have a friendly relationship with my peekaboo body hugging black sheer tops or those men who did not know how to operate them. Thus in the battle among zippers, sheer top and men, sheer top, being the more fragile one, won, and dress with zipper, not so much of a winner. Thankfully I learned that lesson quickly and no matter where I went or however long I'd stay with the man - 1 hour, 2 hour, 30 minutes, all nighter, I always had several backup outfits, in case of zipper issue, which happened on more than one occasions.
On that note, one of my favorite Bebe dresses were left at a man's house. He had promised that he'd spend his time studying up on the mechanics of zippers and replace the one he broke, given the important history zipper held, and given that I was very rather upset when he torn my Bebe gray silk dress.
I had not seen the dress returning back to me - it's been so long that it'll be out of fashion anyway.
By now, presumably the man who broke my dress had learned everything about zippers, and found the backing of my earrings, and likely, had given them to the next woman he was seeing by mistake. The way I looked at the situation, it would be highly unlikely the next woman could fit into my dress (Bebe's petite dresses were designed for big boobed petite woman, and big boobs and petite women usually do not jive, present company excepted of course.)
In which case, may he hold my dress and wish he had never let me go. And as for me, it was an easy decision once the decision was made.
Fuck earrings. Fuck dresses. Be happy. Ditch the man who couldn't locate the back of your earrings or hand your dresses to some other woman.
Find a good man. Buy yourself lots of fabulous jewelry.
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