I start to bundle personal emails into a pile, filing them via names and dates and sending them onto my personal file. It's time to move on.
Has he noticed? Has he sensed things I did not know? I loved everything I did with him. I loved him more than I could ever love another, but even that kind of love grow tiring. Love without growth grows wary.
There was a period where he and I had stopped corresponding. From June to September we did not see each other. We were busy with others. We were busy but not with one another. I did not think he wanted me any more.
Then one day things changed. Things began to resume its normalcy. In November and December I barely saw him. But I loved him more each and every day. Perhaps what we needed was just that simple time to process and digest.
In those days followed I wondered what I wanted out of life, what I wanted from him.
It was quite simple. I wanted a good content life where he was part of my life but he was not the only part of my life. I wanted more but I did not know what he was willing to give. I would rather take whatever it's there and keep it there then rocking the boat.
But boat was rocked. He was uncomfortable with things I said, he thought that I had put him on notice. But I had not. I simply became more aware of my own emotions. I wanted more from him. He retreated. He did not want to give me anything more than just a few moment of intimacy. I began to realize that he no longer wanted me. I knew when he retreated, often there was a reason. I did not think he wanted someone like me, he grew tired. So I retreated. I often went to others in the past, but now I felt that I was able to just do things I wanted to do and not be worried about him or others.
I had to reinvent myself. Days were numbered. He no longer loved me. And if history taught me anything at all, it was when it was time to let go, even when I could not move on, I must learn to say goodbye.
Has he noticed? Has he sensed things I did not know? I loved everything I did with him. I loved him more than I could ever love another, but even that kind of love grow tiring. Love without growth grows wary.
There was a period where he and I had stopped corresponding. From June to September we did not see each other. We were busy with others. We were busy but not with one another. I did not think he wanted me any more.
Then one day things changed. Things began to resume its normalcy. In November and December I barely saw him. But I loved him more each and every day. Perhaps what we needed was just that simple time to process and digest.
In those days followed I wondered what I wanted out of life, what I wanted from him.
It was quite simple. I wanted a good content life where he was part of my life but he was not the only part of my life. I wanted more but I did not know what he was willing to give. I would rather take whatever it's there and keep it there then rocking the boat.
But boat was rocked. He was uncomfortable with things I said, he thought that I had put him on notice. But I had not. I simply became more aware of my own emotions. I wanted more from him. He retreated. He did not want to give me anything more than just a few moment of intimacy. I began to realize that he no longer wanted me. I knew when he retreated, often there was a reason. I did not think he wanted someone like me, he grew tired. So I retreated. I often went to others in the past, but now I felt that I was able to just do things I wanted to do and not be worried about him or others.
I had to reinvent myself. Days were numbered. He no longer loved me. And if history taught me anything at all, it was when it was time to let go, even when I could not move on, I must learn to say goodbye.
No comments:
Post a Comment