Friday, January 10, 2014

"I love you"

EB had to undergo surgery. I had promised, a while back, that I'd take him. So I did. I took him to see his doctor and I dropped him off. Then I took my kids to school and then I came back to wait for him. Shortly after he was out of the surgery. He had both sides of his wisdom teeth pulled. He was talking funny and feeling dizzy. We went to CVS to get prescription drugs. Antibiotics, steroids and painkiller. He was acting very out of it. He wanted to talk, and he kept on talking non sense because he had gauze pad in his mouth. I was taking care of business so I was all very serious and very stern. He was worried that I was getting upset. I told him that I was not. I just had a lot on my mind. Things to do, business to take care and work to be complete. Plus I was sick myself. I've come down with something nasty and I was trying to hold on.

He then texted me. "I love you so much. Thank you for doing this. I owe you." I looked up and there he was, helpless and feeling grateful. I said, "It's your drugs talking." He mumbled, "No, it's me."

EB knows me. He knows that I'm always late. So he will tell me to pick him up 15 minutes before his actual time of pick up. He knows exactly what to say and not to say. He regards me as his best friend in the bay area. I was indeed late. He was upset with me but then he told me that he gave himself extra 15 minutes. I wanted to punch him.

I have learned to take things easy and not be so stressed out about things.

I have also learned that in life there are certain things that are more important than my immediate desire. EB is a curious case as he's no physically involved with me. I'm not even sure what we have but we talk nearly every day in one form or another, I take care of him as if he's my third child. He knows that I am very sensitive to the declaration of love. He knew that I don't like to hear it unless he meant it. It was his very first time since we first met that he said the word love again. He knows that it carries a lot of weight on my book. I knew he did not just say in random. I knew that he meant it.

But what does it really mean though? I need different types of fulfillment. I need men in different aspect of my life. EB is just EB. He's someone I do things with, I take care and he's someone who would be faithful to me in his ways. But he's gay. And that's where everything ends. And that's where everything starts.


No comments:

Post a Comment