Wednesday, December 4, 2013

On Getting Bored Easily

My week was long and difficult. In part I had taken on more than I should and I'm struggling to keep my interest level high. I have lots on my plate and most of the things are semi expected but not exactly.

My enthusiasm runs low. I find myself asking why I was so easily bored. I'm easily bored of people. I'm easily bored of my surroundings. I'm easily bored of a lot of things.

I can't keep up with this. Boy is cute. Boy is sexually not oriented my way. That helps me. But the mere encounters with him is tiring me out. I do not like him that much. I find his conversations boring. There are high notes. There are moments where he would say things that made me realize that I like him. There are other moments where I could not stand the sight of him. I'm bored of him. He wants my attention.

I want disengagement.

A man who I had not seen for months or heard contacted me to want to know if I was doing anything this Saturday night. I suspect it's his company's annual Christmas party and he wanted to take me out.

I had liked him lightly, and I was bored. Then for months and months I did not hear from him. I thought that he was gone for good but then he contacted me. Last year at this time we were seeing each other for some time.

I think he is ending yet another relationship and somehow he wanted to reengage me. I have no interest in him. I find the note funny.

One of my very good friends said to me that I must have some sort of power. Men tend to want to come back to me. They all do. I don't understand it but ever since I was very young men tend to want to be with me. No matter how or who ended it, they all want to see me after a certain period. They wanted me and they wanted to haec me stay in their lives. I got an email from C just the other day. He missed me and he wanted to see me. I no longer care.

I'm bored easily.

I suppose this is what happened when you love someone. No matter what other people do to you, they are just white noises. They do not exist. Your world exists purely with him. He whom you love. I have always loved B. All of the other people come and go and he stays.

I wanted to tell the boy to stop wanting to see me so much. Stop bugging me. Stop being so dependent on me.

I have gotten bored of many, C, D, E. Now this little boy.

I can't deal with them. I find them boring. I find them utterly boring, gay or straight. Sexual or non sexual.

Eventually I get bored of everyone. And I remain faithfully in love with B. No matter what happens. I know that I love him. I find that notion bizarre and undoubtedly strange. I guess that's what we are. We love who we love. That's the end of it all. And at the end of the day, there is only one person matters to us. 

No comments:

Post a Comment