Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What's for lunch

Scheduled a lunch. Thought it was a good lunch plan. But he was not in his office, he's working at home. To get some 2014 planning done. He said that he wanted to work on 2014 software. I wanted to see what it looked like but he won't show it to me, because it's not done yet.

I love him. Pure and simple. No other men compared. He was the one and only for me. This is my opportunity to happiness. I can't imagine being with anyone else. That's pretty final. I love him more than I love anyone else. It's just that after two plus years of seeing this man, and realize that all of my passion is tied to him and him only, it's pretty powerful. And liberating. He's the one I choose to be with.

It was the middle of the afternoon when I arrived. I had not read his note about him being sick later, and that I didn't have enough time. I was busy working. But it did not phase him so I went up. I just wanted to kiss him and strip down and lie next to him. We did just that after we had sex. I liked the way the room smelled. It felt warm and toasty. He was in a shirt and jeans. I could see his face. He's nearly 50. Two more years he'll be 50. I love him no matter how old he is. I still remembered him as this young, good looking man who adored me.

When I was on his couch I noticed that there were photos hanging on the wall. He told me that they were his ancestors. He told me that he was half German (I knew that), and half English or Irish (I guessed that much). I liked that combination. I always did. I never asked him much about his background or his family. I suppose if we were to have a future together we would know that about each other - one day.

He was telling me that he was a little under the weather. I wanted to know when we'd get together for this Christmas dinner. I wanted to sleep over but I asked because I was not sure. I wanted to be with him. Pure and simple. I didn't ask him what our lives would be. But I knew that he knew that I wanted to be with him. Leaving my life behind to be with him.

At some point you just knew. I couldn't go back to before. I could only be with him. I wanted him and I wanted to be in a world where he was not just a figment of my imagination. I wanted him to be there, for me, as a man, as my man.

When it was over he put back on his glasses. I liked how his eyes looked under the daylight. They were green. I liked how his hair looked. They were a mixture of blond highlights and gray.

I liked every part of him. It was strange to feel that way about a man I've been with, obsessed with, and in love with, after two plus years.

I wonder if those feelings persist and I wonder if I could be with him, for the rest of my life. 

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