No looking back

Just when I was done telling N8 about my entire past and told him that I'd never go back to BF, and that my swedish lover is still around and maybe it's time to go back to him, My phone beeped. It wass the Swede who informed me that his wife is out of town and wanted me for a visit of his second and new house.

I have not been.

I saw him just yesterday.

I never get his text.

I enjoy having fun with him.

I will never love him.

He will never tell me shit like he loves me.

I responded.

I cannot be in an emotionally distant sexless marriage, and also be in an emotionally distant sexless relationship with my BF.

Some has to give.

I am not moving on, but I can longer be that helpless person waiting for BF to love me again.

He has moved on. Or not.

But I do know that he no longer wants or desire me.

And I must move on.

I have not decided to write to him or not. But I know I have cried way too many times for him. I can longer forgive myself.

I don't know if I have strength to move on.

But I must not look back.