I had never ever talked to him on the phone like this. We had never talked on the phone ever before this. I called him this morning after realizing that my flight would be delayed that I won't be able to see him after all.
He answered right away and he seemed a bit disappointed.
When I landed he was already boarding the plane. Boston bound.
He promised to talk tonight. So he called. I missed his call initially but then I called him back and then he called me back again.
We chatted nearly 40 minutes. We've never spoken like this before. Somehow he sensed my panic. My manic depression was setting in. I did not know that he feared that I was changing. I did not know that that because it felt that he was worried about me changing. Getting divorced and remarried. That's what he worried.
I would never remarry. I would never be with anyone like I have with him. He does not know that of course. His behavior affects me. When he does not see me or respond to my emails, I fear that he no longer wants me. While I understand that when he truly stops wanting me, I can then be set free, I also understand that my biggest fear is that he no longer wants me. The thought of him no longer wanting me makes me cry. I cannot imagine a world without him. I fear he'd leave me, abandon me, he'd never want to be with me any more.
Does it make sense?
I fear that he no longer wants me.
That thought makes me cry.
He answered right away and he seemed a bit disappointed.
When I landed he was already boarding the plane. Boston bound.
He promised to talk tonight. So he called. I missed his call initially but then I called him back and then he called me back again.
We chatted nearly 40 minutes. We've never spoken like this before. Somehow he sensed my panic. My manic depression was setting in. I did not know that he feared that I was changing. I did not know that that because it felt that he was worried about me changing. Getting divorced and remarried. That's what he worried.
I would never remarry. I would never be with anyone like I have with him. He does not know that of course. His behavior affects me. When he does not see me or respond to my emails, I fear that he no longer wants me. While I understand that when he truly stops wanting me, I can then be set free, I also understand that my biggest fear is that he no longer wants me. The thought of him no longer wanting me makes me cry. I cannot imagine a world without him. I fear he'd leave me, abandon me, he'd never want to be with me any more.
Does it make sense?
I fear that he no longer wants me.
That thought makes me cry.
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