A came to visit. I had spent an hour the day prior arguing with him on the phone. I did not know why I bothered. It's not going to make any difference. Our journey had ended. Our relationship had passed its expiration date. I had tried to form a relationship that was a rational, non threatening one but with A it was impossible to not feel aggravated, he was not what I had expected from a friend. He had taken too much of my time and did not provide much in return.
I had therefore needed to end it.
I saw him for an hour and it was time to go, he had some other place to be, and I had to leave because I could not put any more of my energy into this broken relationship. I did not know what he wanted from me, I did know that any sort of emotional entanglement from him to me would be an unhealthy for me, and I did not want to lead him on, I had moved on from our friendship. He wanted to see me again next weekend but I did not want that any more. I wanted him to exit out of my life.
Asking him about his opinion on B. He did not support it. He wanted me not to be with B. I had ended many relationships with men because they did not want me to love B, to be with B. It was the ultimate threat. No guy friends of mine had ever seen that side of me until I spoke about B, they all thought that they'd have a chance with me, whether it's a friendship or a physical relationship, they could not bear the thought of me capable of loving someone else. My strong, indifferent exterior towards men was all they wished to see, but when I spoke about B, when I described the level of intensity I felt in my relationship with B, they felt uncomfortable. They could tolerate my spouse, they could accept that I was married, but they could not accept that I was in love. That was always the stress point. A failed to realize that by him choosing not to see me as a woman who was in love with B, he had made a choice for me. I had to terminate my relationship with A. Compounded by the fact that A could not figure out how and what he felt about me. He was unable to provide an equal relationship to me. He was so incredibly self centered and he was unable to give what I wanted out of the relationship. I wanted him to understand me, to support me and to be there for me, as I've done for him. I suppose that when I form friendship, I'm blind to men vs. women, but men felt threatened whenever they thought that I had fallen in love with another man, even though they knew that they had no chance with me to begin with, to lose me to someone else seemed a difficult concept to manage. It never failed. I had lost so many guy friends over B, but I cannot and will not budge.
I made no commitment of seeing A again. He wanted to see me on Saturday next week. I told him that I can't make that commitment. When I end things I end them swiftly. A had no idea what and who he was dealing with. I can shut down my emotions as quickly as I opened it up for him. When I wanted to end things, I disappear. I did not respond to anything. I did not make a fuss. I simply disappeared. And perhaps years later, I'd resume a cordial relationship but in short term, I would vanish. He had no idea. I would simply stop responding. He would never hear from me again.
I had therefore needed to end it.
I saw him for an hour and it was time to go, he had some other place to be, and I had to leave because I could not put any more of my energy into this broken relationship. I did not know what he wanted from me, I did know that any sort of emotional entanglement from him to me would be an unhealthy for me, and I did not want to lead him on, I had moved on from our friendship. He wanted to see me again next weekend but I did not want that any more. I wanted him to exit out of my life.
Asking him about his opinion on B. He did not support it. He wanted me not to be with B. I had ended many relationships with men because they did not want me to love B, to be with B. It was the ultimate threat. No guy friends of mine had ever seen that side of me until I spoke about B, they all thought that they'd have a chance with me, whether it's a friendship or a physical relationship, they could not bear the thought of me capable of loving someone else. My strong, indifferent exterior towards men was all they wished to see, but when I spoke about B, when I described the level of intensity I felt in my relationship with B, they felt uncomfortable. They could tolerate my spouse, they could accept that I was married, but they could not accept that I was in love. That was always the stress point. A failed to realize that by him choosing not to see me as a woman who was in love with B, he had made a choice for me. I had to terminate my relationship with A. Compounded by the fact that A could not figure out how and what he felt about me. He was unable to provide an equal relationship to me. He was so incredibly self centered and he was unable to give what I wanted out of the relationship. I wanted him to understand me, to support me and to be there for me, as I've done for him. I suppose that when I form friendship, I'm blind to men vs. women, but men felt threatened whenever they thought that I had fallen in love with another man, even though they knew that they had no chance with me to begin with, to lose me to someone else seemed a difficult concept to manage. It never failed. I had lost so many guy friends over B, but I cannot and will not budge.
I made no commitment of seeing A again. He wanted to see me on Saturday next week. I told him that I can't make that commitment. When I end things I end them swiftly. A had no idea what and who he was dealing with. I can shut down my emotions as quickly as I opened it up for him. When I wanted to end things, I disappear. I did not respond to anything. I did not make a fuss. I simply disappeared. And perhaps years later, I'd resume a cordial relationship but in short term, I would vanish. He had no idea. I would simply stop responding. He would never hear from me again.
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