"What are you doing Wednesday?"
"If I tell you nothing would you believe me?"
"Then, be with me."
"Sure!!"
That was how we communicated. I never liked him that way. I never bothered to look for men. They tend to show up unannounced.
I get bored very easily. I have stopped hanging out, even just friends, with a few. Once I got to know them, figured them out, I get bored.
I always do.
Not him. He was a friend for a long time. I never gave a shit. Slowly, over time, we got to know one another. He turned out to be like me. Likes to SCUBA, to golf, to try new things, to travel.
Zero sexual chemistry.
Is it easy to meet men if you are with a man? I ask because he and I have spent countless evenings and mornings and afternoons together. We even traveled together. But never had sex. Never will.
Both love sex. Both have seen each other's worst.
Never felt attracted to him.
Never will have sex.
But need to find someone to have sex with. Sex as an activity, not an expression of love. Just a simple activity. Is it really hard to find? Apparently so. Not for lack of availability of men. But for the fact that I cannot find myself lowering myself to have sex with anyone.
The pesky thing called a relationship. Not with your husband but with your lover.
I really hate being in love. I hate being in a relationship that I am not getting laid, and I cannot get together with another person. I also hate being in a mental space that having sex with another person is taxing and daunting, because there is an implied level of trust built in. I think that sucks. The staying loyal part. I have to figure out how to get around that. I don't think I can. I suffer, therefore.
"If I tell you nothing would you believe me?"
"Then, be with me."
"Sure!!"
That was how we communicated. I never liked him that way. I never bothered to look for men. They tend to show up unannounced.
I get bored very easily. I have stopped hanging out, even just friends, with a few. Once I got to know them, figured them out, I get bored.
I always do.
Not him. He was a friend for a long time. I never gave a shit. Slowly, over time, we got to know one another. He turned out to be like me. Likes to SCUBA, to golf, to try new things, to travel.
Zero sexual chemistry.
Is it easy to meet men if you are with a man? I ask because he and I have spent countless evenings and mornings and afternoons together. We even traveled together. But never had sex. Never will.
Both love sex. Both have seen each other's worst.
Never felt attracted to him.
Never will have sex.
But need to find someone to have sex with. Sex as an activity, not an expression of love. Just a simple activity. Is it really hard to find? Apparently so. Not for lack of availability of men. But for the fact that I cannot find myself lowering myself to have sex with anyone.
The pesky thing called a relationship. Not with your husband but with your lover.
I really hate being in love. I hate being in a relationship that I am not getting laid, and I cannot get together with another person. I also hate being in a mental space that having sex with another person is taxing and daunting, because there is an implied level of trust built in. I think that sucks. The staying loyal part. I have to figure out how to get around that. I don't think I can. I suffer, therefore.
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