Boy smiled at me. Wanted to ask about this or that. Boy kept on chasing me around, texting me, skyping me, telling me things, looking at me, wanting to be my FaceBook friend. . .
"Why? Don't think too much. Just don't." I gave him advice.
He was exactly half of the age of the man whom I loved. A younger version of him, to be sure. Boy had the same thin lips and bright smile, the same piercing eyes, his were green, boy's were blue.
HALF of the age of the man whom I loved once.
I could be the boy's mother.
Boy met me on a public bus, heading into work, he was desperately trying to speak to me. Within hours he developed an immediate crush on me. I knew that type.
Since then he wanted to talk to me and see me. I could be his mother.
Boy had that typical boyish smile, boyish look, boyish attitude. He wanted to see me again. We did not make plans. He wanted to create opportunity to see me again. Wanted to be my errand boy, which I had said that he'd be qualified to do.
"I will impart wisdom on you, in return, I can use you as my errand boy." I said.
I was joking, well, maybe I was only half joking.
Boy wanted to know what an errand boy duty entailed.
Boy wanted to see me.
Boy reminded me so much of the younger version of him. He was the man I loved. Boy looked a bit like that man, that man whom I was once infatuated with when I was much younger. He was a young looking 32 year old. I was only 25 at the time. Years later, he would tell me that we met at a canoe trip. It was really a white water rafting trip. I never corrected him. He was my partner that weekend, and he wanted me then, and he wanted me still.
"You are very strong and powerful. I am attracted to you." Boy did not mince words.
"You tell me to do things and I just do." Boy added.
"I don't do that with others. But somehow you have the power." Boy told me.
Boy opened my side of car door. I liked that. I liked men who respected me and took care of me.
He did that. He always opened the car door for me to slide in. He did that every time we went out.
Boy thought that I was older. Boy was right. But boy did not realize how much he liked me. I didn't give him any ideas either.
It was not the first nor the last time a younger man came up to me and wanted to date me. I never invited them in, but they found me anyway. I had never ever in my life needed to proactively chase anyone. They often found me.
"You are very interesting." Boy said to me. Boy wanted to get to know me.
"I think you like men who are clingy but not too much. You like undivided attention. You liked men who are loyal. You liked that they pay attention to you and you only." Boy tried to figure me out.
I had never thought that boy was interested in me. I thought he wanted career advice and I had a few to give out. Boy knew that I was much older than he was but wanted to see me.
He wanted to give me a kiss so I let him to kiss my cheeks. I had never kissed a boy that young before. It would feel wrong. I did not care for him that way.
Ever since I had gone straight, I had given up on the thought of being a loose cannon. I wanted to be good, I wanted to be loved by one person and one person only. I can't love someone completely while being engaged in sexual conduct with others. I would feel guilty.
But... temptation was everywhere, like this boy, who decided that he wanted to meet me, to get to know me, to be with me, out of blue. He was out of his league, from the start. But he did not know that himself. He was young and full of optimism.
I saw the boy, and I was reminded of him.
Boy is half as old the man I loved. In his early twenties, boy was ready to explore the world. Just like how he found me at that white water rafting trip nearly sixteen years ago, this boy found me.
"Why? Don't think too much. Just don't." I gave him advice.
He was exactly half of the age of the man whom I loved. A younger version of him, to be sure. Boy had the same thin lips and bright smile, the same piercing eyes, his were green, boy's were blue.
HALF of the age of the man whom I loved once.
I could be the boy's mother.
Boy met me on a public bus, heading into work, he was desperately trying to speak to me. Within hours he developed an immediate crush on me. I knew that type.
Since then he wanted to talk to me and see me. I could be his mother.
Boy had that typical boyish smile, boyish look, boyish attitude. He wanted to see me again. We did not make plans. He wanted to create opportunity to see me again. Wanted to be my errand boy, which I had said that he'd be qualified to do.
"I will impart wisdom on you, in return, I can use you as my errand boy." I said.
I was joking, well, maybe I was only half joking.
Boy wanted to know what an errand boy duty entailed.
Boy wanted to see me.
Boy reminded me so much of the younger version of him. He was the man I loved. Boy looked a bit like that man, that man whom I was once infatuated with when I was much younger. He was a young looking 32 year old. I was only 25 at the time. Years later, he would tell me that we met at a canoe trip. It was really a white water rafting trip. I never corrected him. He was my partner that weekend, and he wanted me then, and he wanted me still.
"You are very strong and powerful. I am attracted to you." Boy did not mince words.
"You tell me to do things and I just do." Boy added.
"I don't do that with others. But somehow you have the power." Boy told me.
Boy opened my side of car door. I liked that. I liked men who respected me and took care of me.
He did that. He always opened the car door for me to slide in. He did that every time we went out.
Boy thought that I was older. Boy was right. But boy did not realize how much he liked me. I didn't give him any ideas either.
It was not the first nor the last time a younger man came up to me and wanted to date me. I never invited them in, but they found me anyway. I had never ever in my life needed to proactively chase anyone. They often found me.
"You are very interesting." Boy said to me. Boy wanted to get to know me.
"I think you like men who are clingy but not too much. You like undivided attention. You liked men who are loyal. You liked that they pay attention to you and you only." Boy tried to figure me out.
I had never thought that boy was interested in me. I thought he wanted career advice and I had a few to give out. Boy knew that I was much older than he was but wanted to see me.
He wanted to give me a kiss so I let him to kiss my cheeks. I had never kissed a boy that young before. It would feel wrong. I did not care for him that way.
Ever since I had gone straight, I had given up on the thought of being a loose cannon. I wanted to be good, I wanted to be loved by one person and one person only. I can't love someone completely while being engaged in sexual conduct with others. I would feel guilty.
But... temptation was everywhere, like this boy, who decided that he wanted to meet me, to get to know me, to be with me, out of blue. He was out of his league, from the start. But he did not know that himself. He was young and full of optimism.
I saw the boy, and I was reminded of him.
Boy is half as old the man I loved. In his early twenties, boy was ready to explore the world. Just like how he found me at that white water rafting trip nearly sixteen years ago, this boy found me.
No comments:
Post a Comment