I did not recycle relationship.
He was once upon a time someone I was close to. I had evolved beyond physical pleasure. The relationship turned into something else all together. Like I was the cat that he never had.
Sometimes I could tell that he missed me. When he went out with others and when he was hoping that something could potentially turn into something and that failed. He was like that and strange that way. He told me that the girl he had been involved with had been going on dates. On OK Cupid and JDate. She's Irish but she was looking to date a good Jewish man, maybe a Jewish doctor of a sort. She was 37 or 38, had a nice body but not pretty enough of a face to land a guy, never had a serious boyfriend, a nurse, never been able to stay with anyone seriously for long. They had an arrangement, and once a week they saw each other and they had sex. She had been gone for a while for her holiday, he missed her but he knew that it was just a matter of time she would find someone and perhaps leave him. She was a free agent, and he only had sex with her. But he would be willing to let her go. It was in his nature to let women go. He told me these things because I was the non jealous type, someone he trusted, someone he liked. He wanted to tell me these things because I think he wanted to someone to listen.
He adored me like a cat. He needed that connection with someone but a non sexual one. I liked him because I knew that I'd never have sex with him. We were there once before and I was not that turned on by him. He was more of an uncle or fatherly figure to me. He and I were in sync in many levels but we got on each other's nerves like family did.
I watched my favorite movie with him. Rebecca, 1940, by Hitchcock. My favorite movie of all time. I had watched it over twenty times. I could recite the lines. I started watching it when I was only 12. I always thought that I wanted to be the new Mrs. De Winter, beautiful, young, innocent, lovely and devoted to the famous, yet moody Mr. De Winter, but as I grew older, I realized that I was really more like Rebecca. The mysterious, beautiful, beloved, popular, bewitching Rebecca. Who loved like a free woman and who was in love with many different men, who bewitched even the most loyal servant of Mandeley, Frank, who was having a fling with her cousin, who took up a flat in London but grew careless and brought lovers to Mandeley, in a beach shack she set up to meet up with her lovers. She died but even after her death, people loved and adored her and no one could replace her. She was a force to be reckoned with. I was bewitched by this character since I was a little girl. As an adult, I realized that perhaps I had much of Rebecca in me, and that was perhaps the reason I loved and identified the movie since the very beginning.
We went out to a local Chinese American restaurant for dinner. He ordered Kung Pao and I had hot and sour soup. I was getting sick so I wanted soup. It was our tradition. We caught up and we sometimes just hang out the couch and watched movie. He told me the date he had on Saturday evening, she was not that interesting and he was a bit bored. He told me many things. We liked to talk to each other when we were both in the right mood. We gossiped about his friends, my friends, our friends. We talked about contemporary Chinese history. We ate chocolates and drank wine. We fell in silence and watched black and white TV program. He touched my head like he would with a cat. I hid under a blanket curled up on the couch as he occasionally petted me.
If I were Rebecca, I'd seduce him. But I had more of the new Mrs. De Winter in me, because with that innocent, stubborn side of me, I was only in love with one person and my physical and mental loyalty remained with the one person. I adored this man as if he was the father I never had. But I would not and could not love him romantically.
In that regard, perhaps I wanted to be Rebecca, but really I failed because I did believe in love. And loyalty and faithfulness. I could only be one thing and one thing only. I could only be me.
Maybe I loved Rebecca because I knew that I could never be her. I simply wished that I could.
It was late and I had to return home. I told him that I couldn't make plans because I was heading into surgery. I didn't know what and how I would feel. He looked worried. He was worried about me like a father would daughter. "But you can check on me." I said. He nodded his head. His girlfriend should return soon. He was worried that she would not return. He was worried that she'd leave him. But not his daughter. Not me. I would not leave him because he was my family and I was his.
He took me to my car, He hugged me to say goodbye and he said, "Goodbye my little precious." He kissed me on my forehead as I entered my car. I did not make plans to see him. Somewhere between the dinners and movies, months had passed, and he had become my family.
He was once upon a time someone I was close to. I had evolved beyond physical pleasure. The relationship turned into something else all together. Like I was the cat that he never had.
Sometimes I could tell that he missed me. When he went out with others and when he was hoping that something could potentially turn into something and that failed. He was like that and strange that way. He told me that the girl he had been involved with had been going on dates. On OK Cupid and JDate. She's Irish but she was looking to date a good Jewish man, maybe a Jewish doctor of a sort. She was 37 or 38, had a nice body but not pretty enough of a face to land a guy, never had a serious boyfriend, a nurse, never been able to stay with anyone seriously for long. They had an arrangement, and once a week they saw each other and they had sex. She had been gone for a while for her holiday, he missed her but he knew that it was just a matter of time she would find someone and perhaps leave him. She was a free agent, and he only had sex with her. But he would be willing to let her go. It was in his nature to let women go. He told me these things because I was the non jealous type, someone he trusted, someone he liked. He wanted to tell me these things because I think he wanted to someone to listen.
He adored me like a cat. He needed that connection with someone but a non sexual one. I liked him because I knew that I'd never have sex with him. We were there once before and I was not that turned on by him. He was more of an uncle or fatherly figure to me. He and I were in sync in many levels but we got on each other's nerves like family did.
I watched my favorite movie with him. Rebecca, 1940, by Hitchcock. My favorite movie of all time. I had watched it over twenty times. I could recite the lines. I started watching it when I was only 12. I always thought that I wanted to be the new Mrs. De Winter, beautiful, young, innocent, lovely and devoted to the famous, yet moody Mr. De Winter, but as I grew older, I realized that I was really more like Rebecca. The mysterious, beautiful, beloved, popular, bewitching Rebecca. Who loved like a free woman and who was in love with many different men, who bewitched even the most loyal servant of Mandeley, Frank, who was having a fling with her cousin, who took up a flat in London but grew careless and brought lovers to Mandeley, in a beach shack she set up to meet up with her lovers. She died but even after her death, people loved and adored her and no one could replace her. She was a force to be reckoned with. I was bewitched by this character since I was a little girl. As an adult, I realized that perhaps I had much of Rebecca in me, and that was perhaps the reason I loved and identified the movie since the very beginning.
We went out to a local Chinese American restaurant for dinner. He ordered Kung Pao and I had hot and sour soup. I was getting sick so I wanted soup. It was our tradition. We caught up and we sometimes just hang out the couch and watched movie. He told me the date he had on Saturday evening, she was not that interesting and he was a bit bored. He told me many things. We liked to talk to each other when we were both in the right mood. We gossiped about his friends, my friends, our friends. We talked about contemporary Chinese history. We ate chocolates and drank wine. We fell in silence and watched black and white TV program. He touched my head like he would with a cat. I hid under a blanket curled up on the couch as he occasionally petted me.
If I were Rebecca, I'd seduce him. But I had more of the new Mrs. De Winter in me, because with that innocent, stubborn side of me, I was only in love with one person and my physical and mental loyalty remained with the one person. I adored this man as if he was the father I never had. But I would not and could not love him romantically.
In that regard, perhaps I wanted to be Rebecca, but really I failed because I did believe in love. And loyalty and faithfulness. I could only be one thing and one thing only. I could only be me.
Maybe I loved Rebecca because I knew that I could never be her. I simply wished that I could.
It was late and I had to return home. I told him that I couldn't make plans because I was heading into surgery. I didn't know what and how I would feel. He looked worried. He was worried about me like a father would daughter. "But you can check on me." I said. He nodded his head. His girlfriend should return soon. He was worried that she would not return. He was worried that she'd leave him. But not his daughter. Not me. I would not leave him because he was my family and I was his.
He took me to my car, He hugged me to say goodbye and he said, "Goodbye my little precious." He kissed me on my forehead as I entered my car. I did not make plans to see him. Somewhere between the dinners and movies, months had passed, and he had become my family.
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