Perhaps this is the ending I needed to move onto the next stage of my life.
Mundane, passionless, painless, uneventful and full of people, who are ordinary. Not extraordinary, but ordinary. Not young, not old, full of stories, need to find love, need to find meaning in their ordinary lives, trying to make ends meet.
That's what I'm running. People from all walks of lives. People who did not understand homes in foreign countries, business class flights to Europe, a world that had been opened up so absurd, that going to dinner at Flour + Water is a big deal.
It is not a big deal. It's just an ordinary night out.
I have homes, personal trainer, fancy vacations, fancy cars, a trunk full of stories.
I am not ordinary.
I have not been.
Women who struggle to make ends meet, or try to find love in all the wrong places.
That's my world now.
Does it make me feel better?
No, not really.
My world had ended with me closing it forever. No more intrigue, no more admiration, no more love.
How would I feel if this all ends one day?
I can finally answer that question.
It's mundane, and uneventful and terribly heart breaking in its own ways.
I have perfectly good men who had once pursued me but I was not interested in them.
I have everything that I could ask for and more.
Perhaps one day I could look back and realize this period was the start of another era. Or perhaps I needed a break before I could get back into it.
But I know, truthfully, the era had ended. I couldn't afford to going back.
I had given up for good.
Every day is going to be the same. Job is satisfying. Work is demanding. Friends are nice. Struggling, trying to make ends meet or not struggling but does not have the world's luxury like I do. But I just go through the motions. One day at a time. One day I should be alright.
One day maybe I would be brave enough to trust someone, to love someone, to feel something that is in the gut of my guts, the magic may be reborn, but all I have left is a distant memory.
Mundane, passionless, painless, uneventful and full of people, who are ordinary. Not extraordinary, but ordinary. Not young, not old, full of stories, need to find love, need to find meaning in their ordinary lives, trying to make ends meet.
That's what I'm running. People from all walks of lives. People who did not understand homes in foreign countries, business class flights to Europe, a world that had been opened up so absurd, that going to dinner at Flour + Water is a big deal.
It is not a big deal. It's just an ordinary night out.
I have homes, personal trainer, fancy vacations, fancy cars, a trunk full of stories.
I am not ordinary.
I have not been.
Women who struggle to make ends meet, or try to find love in all the wrong places.
That's my world now.
Does it make me feel better?
No, not really.
My world had ended with me closing it forever. No more intrigue, no more admiration, no more love.
How would I feel if this all ends one day?
I can finally answer that question.
It's mundane, and uneventful and terribly heart breaking in its own ways.
I have perfectly good men who had once pursued me but I was not interested in them.
I have everything that I could ask for and more.
Perhaps one day I could look back and realize this period was the start of another era. Or perhaps I needed a break before I could get back into it.
But I know, truthfully, the era had ended. I couldn't afford to going back.
I had given up for good.
Every day is going to be the same. Job is satisfying. Work is demanding. Friends are nice. Struggling, trying to make ends meet or not struggling but does not have the world's luxury like I do. But I just go through the motions. One day at a time. One day I should be alright.
One day maybe I would be brave enough to trust someone, to love someone, to feel something that is in the gut of my guts, the magic may be reborn, but all I have left is a distant memory.
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